The color of the sand depends upon where you are standing
And that reminds me of a story. I had a client who noted that they were in distress because their ex wife did not meet the client’s expectations for how the client thought the ex should be living their life. The client was worried that the ex’s behavior might have a negative impact upon the children they had had together.
Sometimes reframing can be most useful. Reframing can be characterized by just taking something and looking at it from a different perspective. To get a new point of view. Reframing can be useful when we are feeling unwanted feelings about something. Sometimes all it takes is just standing in a different space to get a different view of things.
During the conversation, I discovered that the client was strongly devoted to his children and feels accomplishment by teaching his children and seeing them grow.
I checked in with the client. I pointed out that the ex’s behavior was not physically or mentally harming the children. Just another perspective.
While speaking with the client, I reminded the client that if his ex didn't behave in the way she was behaving, he would not have as much to teach his children about how to live in this world. I asked the client to consider that without his wife, he wouldn't have as grand an opportunity to do what he really loves to do. That change in perspective allowed the client to feel more grateful for his situation, and reminded the client of how much he really enjoyed his children. At sessions end, by looking at the situation differently, the client was able to heal,
and quickly at that.